I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i want to swaddle you in tequila
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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