Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
