he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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