saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
