I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
