uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
