3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
