I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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