Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
