Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
