if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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