am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
