i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
