there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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