I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
