I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
