Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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