I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
