Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had sex on a dog bed..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
