There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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