last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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