You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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