Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
