White coat. Heels.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
