Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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