there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I enjoy the company of your penis
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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