we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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