Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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