THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
