So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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