I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
