I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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