I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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