I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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