So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
