hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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