Say something about gay babies.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
