is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
