i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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