the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
