he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
