White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
