you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
