guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
