dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
