you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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