look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
