She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
