The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize