The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
