Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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