Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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