Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
