oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
