can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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