your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Still dying that you shit outside
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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