hotel room ftw
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
