when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
