Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
