Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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