Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
