Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
