dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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