I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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