last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
