I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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