You smell like a Billy Joel song
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
