It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
