He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
