"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We need to rekindle our bromance
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
