I bet he comes in French.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
