Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
