he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
